What hides behind happiness
by rosen-fenrir
Summary: The doctor and Donna are back from an adventure and everything is perfect... until the doctor realizes some things are not the way they were supposed to. One-shot. TenxDonna if you squint really hard.


**Hello! I had this idea for a while now, but i couldn't sit and finish it for some reason. I hope you enjoy it :)**

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With one single push, he managed to open the blue door and get into his ship. Feeling bubbling laughter escape his lips, the Doctor turned his attention to the person entering the TARDIS behind him, laughter on her lips too. Dressed in her sort of casual but practical manner, the one and only Donna Noble stepped right into the ramp, after pausing to close the door. Taking one moment to check on her state, he couldn't help to feel both amused at her unique hearty laugh, and confused for a reason he couldn't quite put his finger on. But as usual, this thought left him as soon as it came.

-"I can't believe that just happened! Did you see the look on that bloke's face when we left?!".- Laughing along with Donna, he reached a hand to take hold of the railing, steadying himself as he did. He stole a look at her again, as he tried not to choke on his laughter. It seemed his companion was trying very hard not to choke as well, and almost kind of failing when a few snorts escaped as she tried to stop her laughing. After what felt like hours and no time at all at the same time, the laugher died down, leaving just the humming sound of his ship as background noise.

-"I'm really glad you liked Terranova 17. I mean, most of the time we seem to bump into dangerous situations but not this time… Well, except for the big cat. And the radio station I suppose. But…!"-Noticing his best friend's stare on him, he realized he was babbling again.- "Anyways, that was a good trip, wasn't it? A bit of future human colony now and then Is always good".- Finishing with a smile, he suddenly remembered he hadn't parked the TARDIS in the Time Vortex yet. Walking directly to the Time rotor he starting moving some levers here and there, not really paying attention to what he was doing, but listening to Donna. He lifted his head from time to time as she was talking; hearing this sort of calm but also excited tone in her familiar voice.

-"I've got to admit that was pretty impressive Spaceman, maybe we can go back sometime again, right? 'Cos you said that the little shops there are always open and I really liked the way they wrapped up this lovely frame". – As she said that, he looked at her raised hand and the neon colors of the wrapping paper assaulted his eyes, very bright but somehow not damaging. Knowing already that she picked that for Wilf, he could only imagine the man's reaction at the wonderfully alien object. They had had a bit of a discussion when she told him what she was trying to buy at the little shop, but after getting to the conclusion that a bit of paper wouldn't put the timelines in danger, he let it be.

Still thinking about the good time they had at that planet, he heard his companion sigh in a weird way. Looking back at her face, he noticed for half a second that all the mirth had gone from her features; as if something had happened all of a sudden and he hadn't noticed. Worry and confusion got to him, when almost as quickly; a smile was back in place. He stared at her for a few seconds, trying to determine if he had imagined the change.

-"I think Gramps will positively love it. You know how he's all in for stuff like this."- Her eyes filled with warmth now, and the Doctor concluded he must have been tired and just imagined it earlier.

-"Yup, that he is Donna!- Throwing a wink at her as he popped the "p", he kept on checking if the TARDIS was well parked where she was supposed to, after all, she had a history of not quite doing that and it always ended in bad news for him and his companions. He had to admit though, that lately the Old Girl had started to behave more… probably because of Donna's presence. Ever since she came back after dealing with the Adipose, his ship had liked her more than he could say of other companions. Still, she did bring them to other dangerous places… and that situation in Messaline… he stopped that thought before the sadness could be reflected on his face. Lifting his eyes again to the ginger woman, he saw it again… that expression of emptiness for half a second. But long enough to actually worry again and ask.

-"Donna? Is something wro…?".- But the word died on his lips when she spoke louder.

-"So, how are you feeling today, Doctor?".- Her voice sounded more rigid somehow. Not upset, but not soft either. He had stopped moving levers a few seconds earlier and backed a few steps to the jumpseat. The doctor was really confused now, he tried to think back on what could have caused such change of demeanor but nothing came to his mind. But clearly he had missed something.

-"I'm alright, but I don't understand why did you just…?".- Not paying attention on what he was saying, or at least not looking like she did, the tall woman took a few secure steps and reached the opposite side of the console, where he had been moving levers and pressing buttons. Thinking again about what was going on, the Timelord couldn't help but notice that the console room was somewhat quieter, as if it truly was just him and his best friend on the ship.

-"Nothing, just… let's keep talking, alright?"-He saw her shrug and toss at him a cheeky smile that threw him off for a bit. What in Gallifrey's name was going on? Surely they had moments like this all the time, but her behavior changed too quickly in a matter of seconds and the Timelord was almost sure something was off. Sitting slowly in the jumpseat, the Doctor raised a hand to his head, feeling the tips of his hair raising at the back of his neck. Donna was walking slowly now, striding deliberately towards him with her hands in her coat pockets. A regular Donna-smile, back in her face.

-"Doctor, I think we had a great time in the city today, but I really loved that beach we went to, the other week. Not the one in the Caribbean, the one in Peru, what was it called again?"- She looked up to the ceiling, as if the answer was written there. His companion was screwing her face a bit, in that Donna way when she was focusing on something. Looking at her, he felt that suddenly he had no idea what she was talking about.

-"Do you remember that when you said the name, I almost went right back to the TARDIS? But you told me to look at it first, and then when I saw that beach, oh it sure was brilliant…. I think the name had something to do with Intestines or something…"- He did know that there was a Peruvian beach called Órganos, and as much as he felt like snickering at how that must have sounded to her, the sense of something feeling wrong didn't let him rejoice in the notion. Mostly because he was failing to remember it.

She kept walking in that almost proud way, still talking but the words not quite registering to him. What was this feeling? It was almost as if there was something he couldn't understand. He put a hand over his hearts and he could feel their normal beat, two perfectly functional organs. So why hadn't they started beating louder? He felt like he was freaking out a bit, but his hearts were alright. He raised his eyes from the floor, slowly taking in the form of his best friend from her leather boots to her ginger hair. She was still walking around the console. And then he saw something he wished he hadn't. She was flicking a lever here, a button there… like she knew. Like she had done that a million times before.

Pain came suddenly to his entire being, frantic thoughts entering his mind. Confusion hitting him with the strength of entire planets. And he was on his knees with no recollection of falling to the floor; somehow missing to notice how close he was to crying. Through his burning eyes, he saw her approach quickly. Panic like he hadn't felt before assaulted him, filling his being with emotions he couldn't control… not this time. Not right now. Not with whatever she was in front of him.

-"Take it easy Spaceman, it's gonna be…"-

-"WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"- Rage filled his eyes, but the being before him didn't react in fear; quite like his "real" companion, she didn't even flinch or back down. For a reason, that made it worse.

-"You really should breathe; you stopped breathing a while ago, Doctor."- Reaching her hand to rub his back, he couldn't help but to reject her action with the back of his hand. Noticing the truth in her words; he could now feel his respiratory bypass at work. Feeling helpless, he faced the being that looked an exact replica of his best friend. Looking at him with pity.

-"WHAT ARE YOU? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?".- Blind panic still rushing through him, he couldn't think straight, nothing made sense.

-"Blimey you can shout!"-Recognizing the phrase, he paused to look at the imposter. She was kneeling in front of him, a slightly amused expression on her face, but it was still wrong. What she said next didn't make things easier.

-"Remember that? You told me that when I called back for you during a terrible Christmas night. You almost left me hanging, you cheeky sod! Remember that?"- He did remember, but remembering brought more pain than before. He had told her he would park the TARDIS properly before joining her family for dinner. He always felt he should have accepted, or at least not to have tried to trick her. That felt like too much time ago.

-"I'll have you know that I'm Donna Noble, best temp in Chiswick; your travelling companion and for some reason your best friend. Does it sound familiar, silly martian?".-She was fully smiling now, but even her brightest smile couldn't outshine what his mind was recognizing now.

-"You…I never… We never went to the beach."- He saw her expression freeze, caught by the truth of his words. -" I never managed to take you to one…"-And then, reality hit him.

His companion was gone. He lost her forever, because he couldn't find a way to save her. What she got to be… the unique being she was, gone from existence; as the memory of their travels together was lost to her, and the memory of the silly bloke who took her to his ship to see the stars.

Gone. But here she was, only not really. The tears were quietly streaming down his face.

-"I lost her forever, so who are you?"- There was no fight left in him, not even rage, but he needed to know. The person before him bore some kind of sadness in her eyes, like if things hadn't gone as planned. She took a deep breath, slowly releasing a tired sigh.

-"You are dreaming… Dreaming for the first time in weeks since you left me in Chiswick. You have been dreaming we went to an adventure in this human colony you remember reading about. But your dream started the second you opened the TARDIS' doors."- Her voice didn't sound as he had imagined it would. Instead of the monotone voice he expected, it was just her sad and tired tone. The one Donna had used when he lost Jenny. So he could discard the TARDIS messing with his memories in this situation. Still, he didn't remember falling asleep at all.

-"Are you… "-a sudden thought hit him and more sadness filled him:-"…am I having a conversation with myself? I am, aren't I? I'm the most pathetic…."- But before he could carry on with his self-hatred, he felt the dream-Donna taking his hand. A shudder passed through him… as he could feel her slightly calloused fingers, the fingers she used to type a hundred words per minute. The thought made him feel more miserable, remembering the cheery tone she had used the last time she said that.

-"You're not having a pity-party on my watch, you hear? It's me you're talking to, you prawn, I'm here to make this easier on you, not to watch you cry, got that? So gerroff!"- There was fierceness in this Donna's eyes, but also warmth. Without any wish to think harder on the truth, he hugged her as if his live depended on it; which to be honest, it felt like it. She hugged him back, harder.

-"It's me Doctor, the timelordy part of me at least. You only blocked me to the physical world, but I'm here… you know why?"- Opening his eyes just a bit, he could think why, she had already told him before.

-"If it's in your head, it's in mine. We are connected, but not for long. The connection will be severed as soon as this dream is over. And you will not remember it ever happened"- The velvety tone in her voice did nothing to spare him the pain of it. He needed to know one thing though, as much as it was futile to ask.

-"Is this really happening or is it the product of my desperation?"- The words left his mouth in whisper, his voice breaking at the end; choking on the sadness and the pain. The Timelord felt her sigh next to his ear, somehow sensing the warm air tickling his neck.

-"You dumbo…either one or both… you can't tell. You can only trust this is what I would have said anyways."- He starting sobbing then, really sobbing. Nothing was ever fair in his life, and in that moment he realized, the same was true to her.

They stayed like that for some time, he crying on her shoulder, telling her how sorry he was that there was no other choice. Because he couldn't kill her, he couldn't kill Donna Noble. But he was guilty of killing her anyways. And she knew, she knew already that he didn't do what he did out of malice, but there was nothing they could do. So she just rubbed his back and called him silly names, until he stopped crying. When he did, a new troubling thought crossed his mind.

-"For how long have I been sleeping?!"- Panic seeped in his voice as he got out of the hug, his eyes frantically searching for hers. An understanding smile settled on her features.

-"Easy there Sir… just over two minutes. Well… actually three, well… I can't tell exactly since you are the one dreaming. But it's only been a little while."- A tentative smile found its way on the Doctor's face, taking her hands In his, he softly said:

-"Would you, Donna Noble, do me the honor of travelling through time and space with me? To visit and to rescue? In peril or in safety, in the past or the future, as long as we both shall dream?"- She was gripping his hands now, a somewhat fond expression in her eyes.

-"I do, always.".-He fully smiled now, a sense of relief filling him and pushing him to jump back up on his feet. She followed him in the action.

-"You know, this is the second time you've sort of proposed to me, no wonder people think we are married if you do that on the fly."-She looked back at him, trying to read him while he just shrugged.

-"Well, you did look beautiful in that dress."-Donna swatted him in the arm-"Don't get any ideas Spaceman, the mates rule is still in effect!". As they shared a few laughs, he tried to push away any uncertainties that remained. The Timelord took a deep breath then, held out his arm for her to take and walked them towards the door; no need to pilot his ship, but to only imagine the destination.

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**Once again, i hope you liked it :D the thing about the beach is true, there's a beautiful beach/town at the north of Peru called Los Órganos, which pretty much means The Organs. Sorry if that was a little lame...**

**Anyways, feedback is much appreciated. Thank you for reading!**


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